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Funny Stories

Scrapped Lives 



Jon Toby Jack and Ty drove up to the chain link gate

Jon was behind the wheel of the Astra, the car was cramped and smelled of old cigarettes

Jack hopped out and snapped the padlock off with a pair of bolt cutters and they drove through

"Dude this car is shit" Toby had to yell to make himself heard over the engine which sounded it like it was on it's last legs and was probably attracting dead from miles away

"Feel free to get out and work by the look of you you could do with one" Fuck you" Jon interceded before the argument went from jokey to nasty "O.K ladies put your handbags down your dresses are both lovely" Ty giggled and punched him on the arm

Jack stopped to attach a new padlock to the gate so they would not be interrupted during there scrap run

"Maybe we could fortify this place?" Ty suggested "Yeah sure we are in the middle of no where and with no place to scavenge" Toby scoffed

"Actually now he mentions it might not be such a bad idea" Jack said "The fence is here already theirs a warehouse to sleep in running water probably" "Well lets keep it in mind for the future but for now focus on what were doing" Jon parked facing the gate just in case they had to exit quickly

Everyone jumped out Jack headed straight for the warehouse and scanned the large area, it was almost empty apart from a few pallets of bricks and a forklift there was a metal stair way leading up to a catwalk where there was an office and break room

"Not as much here as I hoped" Jack shouted back

Something groaned from behind one of the piles of bricks

A man who had obviously been a builder before his death emerged in to full view the left half of his face had been torn off and dried blood was on his fluorescent jacket he started to shamble over to Jack "Guys little help" Toby brushed past him "I got it I got it" He swung Jacks newly designed bat and caved in the things skull "Your car still sucks by the way" "What ever " Jon headed over to a beaten up old Ford transit it was locked and he was forced to jimmy it open with a crowbar luckily enough this was an old model try this now a days the alarm would go off

He opened the door checked the front and back of the van whilst Ty kept watch

Back in the warehouse Jack had turned on the forklift and was scooping up the pallets of bricks whilst Toby grabbed what sheet metal he could find along with a few bags of cement

"Come on get your arse in gear it's not that heavy" "How about we swap I drive the forklift and you carry the bags of cement" "You have a license?" "No" "Well guess you cant then" "Oh yeah you never know when the forklift inspector might pop round

They both shared a laugh


At the flats
"Sky come on you cant sit here all day again" Lara had been trying to tempt Sky away all morning

"No someone need's to stay with Tom until he wakes up" "Sky he will still be here even if you walk into the next room for something to eat come on you can have anything you want" Sky knew that she was not going to win this argument

Reluctantly she got up and headed in to the next room

Lara poured her a bowl of shreddies there was no milk but she compensated by loading sugar on them

Jenna was in the kitchen talking to Jon on the phone apparently they were going to be a while problems with the forklift

"Tom any better?" "No still out" "O.K well we be back in a few hours if anything happens let us know" She hung up and sat down with Lara and Jenna

"Did you do the home work Tom gave you?" Sky nodded

"Do you want to read a book?" Sky shakes her head "Watch a film?" She shakes her head again

The conversation is interrupted when the lights go out

"There go's the grid" Jenna sighs "I dont think so" Lara look's out the window

"Look the sign across the street is still on it just means the meter is out we just need to plug the key into the pay station take it downstairs and plug it in" Yeah one problem the meter is outside in that shed thing" "It's fine I'll be out 2 mins max" "Maybe we should wait til they come back" "Don't be a wimp I'l go" Jenna frown's "It will be fine really 30 seconds max" "Oh Jesus Christ" The shout came from the next room

Sky jumped up from the table and Lara and Jenna soon followed

Tom was sitting up in bed clutching his right arm still in a sling

"Your awake" Sky jumped up to hug Tom"Ow ha ow ok darling it's nice to see you but be careful I feel look someone just stabbed me" Lara entered the room "That's because you got stabbed" "Huh I guess that would explain it where is everyone?" "They have gone out to get materials to strengthen our defense" "So who's here?" "Just me Sky and Jenna" "Well who's watching the front?" "Right now Jenna" "O.K help me with this shirt I'm gonna watch with her" I managed to put on a white short sleeved t-shirt before standing up and quickly sitting back down

"Man I'm shattered" "Yeah you lost a lot of blood and we have been pouring pain pills down your neck you are going to feel like shit for a few day's now get your arse back into bed" I didn't have the energy to argue as soon as put my head on the pillow I was out again


"O.K I have the electric key charged I will be back in a sec" Lara exited the building and turned the corner there were a few dead around but by the time they could reach here she would be back inside

The door to the shed was stiff and required a swift kick before it opened but she located the appropriate charging unit plugged it in and turned to lock the shed door behind here

As she turned around there were 2 people standing behind her 10ft away

Dressed in jeans and white tank tops that only flatter muscular arms instead this just showed how skinny they were they were both sporting shaved heads and ridiculous amounts of gold chains a couple of wannabe rappers

Lara moved slowly back to the flat door and they followed she started to run so did they

She got to the door and pulled it open as she went to slam the door behind her they reached the door one of them reached through and held the door open Lara kicked him in the crotch and made to climb up to the 1st floor but as the man fell he grabbed her ankle she kicked but couldn't break free

The second man entered and made his way to Lara he dragged her to her feet and held a knife to her throat.
"How's the van coming Jon?" Ty asked still keeping watch over him "Would be a lot quicker if you shut up" "Jeez sorry" "Not long be" The van roared into life

"Right now" Jon finished

They had loaded almost everything up despite a few problems with the forklift but Jack had fixed it simply by hitting it with a hammer a few times

Toby had wandered off from the main warehouse floor and up on to the cat walk he made his way to the office door and opened it

Soon wishing he hadn't the stench coming from the room was overpowering there were at least 12 dead inside standing not reacting til Toby had opened the door there eyes all turned on him and they moaned

"Fuck guys time to go" He slammed the door shut behind him and ran down the catwalk

Jack looked up from the forklift controls "What do you mean we have to go?" The office door glass breaking and bodies spilling through answered his question "O.K time to go" He moved the forklift forward with the last load of bricks "Get out the way Ty!" He stepped aside just in time as Jack went past him shooting the last load of bricks in

Jon jumped in the drivers seat and Ty climbed in alongside him followed by Jack Toby slammed the doors shut opened the metal gate and hopped in to the Astra stopping only to lock gate behind him.
Jenna had heard a scuffle downstairs and as the 1st guy reached the top she swung the pool cue and broke it over the 1st guys head not that it seemed to slow him he knocked her down

They frogmarched Jenna and Lara into a room and sat them down on the sofa

The taller one pulled out a phone "Yeah boss were in

No only a couple of girls here

No actual girls

Here in 20mins? No problem" He hung up

"Boss is on his way" He sat down on the arm of a chair whilst the other stood in the hallway


"Tom wake up please get up someones here" Sky shook Tom but he was not waking up

She picked up a cricket bat and made her way to the next room

She had never been so scared in her life as she approached the man from behind lifted the bat and hit him in the lower back with all the strength she could muster

The man barely flinched as he turned to face her

"Got another one" "Need a hand" "With an 8 year old I think I'l manage" Lara jumped up "Leave her alone the tall one slapped her to the floor "Sit down" Sky backed down the corridor the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife "Come on come sit with the rest of us like a good girl" Sky ran into the next room down the hall the man pursued her

" He entered the room but what greeted him was not what he thought the little girl was not cowering under the bed instead she was standing behind him the one the boss wanted dead in his hand a police baton his right arm in a sling he looked like crap struggling to stand.
"You have one chance get out now" The man walked further into the flat "And your going to stop me?" He was close now the knife still in his hand big mistake I headbutted him and took a step back and brought the baton across his face teeth flew from his mouth

My side hurt and I dropped the baton Sky pulled at me "Tom come on theirs one more in there" I looked at her in disbelief but I got up found my satchel and handcuffed the mans arms behind his back "Wait here do not move OK?" "Yeah" "I'm not joking Sky do not move" "O.K" I exited the flat I was not sure if Jon had taken the guns with him and I didn't have time to look I headed next door

Lara and Jenna were on the floor this guy was standing over them a knife in his hand he pulled Jenna up by the hair

I walked quickly forward and tapped him on the shoulder the surprise on his face was obvious as I punched him in the nose he dropped the knife but then tackled me to the ground I swung the baton preventing him from jumping on top of me as I got to my feet he reached for the knife as he stooped I kicked his hand I swung for his head with the baton he ducked and ran out the room into the corridor I chased him down

Sky had wandered out to see what was happening and he made a bee line for her I caught up with him and kicked his legs out he went crashing to the floor

Rage flew through me I stomped on him I turned him over and beat his face with my fists until it was raw and bloody

The only thing that made me stop was that Sky was watching

I got up giving the guy one last kick the other man had now regained consciousness and he tried to back away as I walked towards him

I don't know where I found the strength with one hand to pull him to his feet I slammed him against the wall by his throat and with a voice that was oddly calm for the situation "Can I borrow your phone?" He didn't answer I pulled a knife from my pocket and slammed it in to the wall next to his head

He whimpered "Dam I missed" I pulled the knife from the wall "But luckily for you that means you get a second chance" "My left jean pocket" "Thank you" I reached in and whilst searching for the last dialed number proceeded to bash the man's head against the wall I dialed the number "Jones what do you want were almost there and what the hell is that banging noise?" "I'm sorry that would be me bouncing Jone's head off the wall I guess I'm talking to Jeff?" "YOU!!" "Hey I have a name you know I had the decency to learn yours" "I'm gonna kill you you sniveling little shit" "Yeah yeah sticks and stones but the rising dead will never hurt me etc now i understand your on your way here but my friends have just got back and they have guns and we might not be able to take you all out but the 1st one we are going for is you now I am going to go throw your friends here out on the street if you want them alive I suggest you get here quickly oh and just so you know I'm keeping the phone bysie daises" I hung up just as I saw Jon and the others hop out the van everyone had got back safely I slumped down on the sofa Jones fell to the floor unconscious Sky sat next to me and hugged me

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